It came from beyond…

In a time of darkness, when Hope seemed to have gone out for a pack of smokes and ended up on a boat to China, when television seemed to have become nothing more than an ad delivery service, when the most flawed candidate in the history of our state seemed like a credible threat, well, in those days the people of Michigan finally got a chance to have their say.

Vote, people, and get your friends, relatives and total strangers to do the same.

Michigan’s future isn’t for sale.

UPDATES GALORE:

Ominous music to hum on Election Day!

Kos Posted with a Kattle Kart o’ Komments!!

Michigan Liberal with a … multitude of meh???!!!

Chairman Dickie Amway China Magic Sign Day!

Greetings Comrades! Today is a glorious day for all by my proclamation! All will be happier, wealthier with whiter teeth on Chairman Dickie Amway China Magic Sign Day! Actually, none will be wealthier or have whiter teeth except Chairman Dickie and the party leaders, but all will be happier in our great wealth and not mind if their own teeth crumble for lack of health care.

The crack team at CHUDD has produced these patriotic and inspirational signs that all soliders in the Dick Devos Army of Cultural Devolution are requested to display with proud immediacy alongside the mandatory picture of Chairman Dickie, their Amway China Collectible Bear and their Amway Dick Action Figure with karate job-chopping action!

You can look at them one by one like tiny jewels or as a cavalcade of delight! It is suggested that for extra Magic Happiness, to listen to patriotic songs!

Jobs to China! More jobs to China!

Kos-posted

Attacking the Interweb, One Blog at a Time

Kommie Kittie reports that Dick Devos has placed 20,000 ads – second in the Nation among all candidates! Good, but not good enough! I must spend more, more more! She also reports on Triscuit’s attacks on my old football coach for having a memory. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you have a memory, you can’t be a modern Republican!

Christine Barry has a list of Republican Party Faithful Under Indictment or Convicted and the $100 One Breath Challenge.

Wacko Zacko has fallen into a poll-induced coma and has yet to get his links o’ the day up for today This just in! In the Official Amway Guy poll of 1 likely voter, I WIN* with 100% of the vote – in your FACE, pollsters!! (*+/- 100%)

Over at the Pound Puppies Fan Club, Cordelia Lear is outraged over Saul’s latest pack of lies tying Granholm to people she doesn’t even know and Devos to people he gives money to.

Liberal Lulu says we should fight for our children. I would, I would, it’s just that my face is so deep in the Trough of Tax Breaks that I can’t see them any more!

Dick Devos has a Robot Army!

Over at Michigan Communist Party HQ, they are in a tizzy for a couple of reasons. Reason #1 is of course my unprecedented smackdown of the Gal Governor. Readers of one out of one papers that I practically own agree – Dick Devos whooped Jenny G’s pert heinie last night – booya!

Also “Louise the Dog” writes:

I was folding my laundry when the phone rang. It was a robo-call in a woman’s voice talking about how “disappointed” she was in Granholm’s performance of the debate last night. The tone was supposed to sound like she was a Granholm supporter who “just felt let down.” There was no mention of DeVos, no mention of who paid for the call, the Caller ID said “Unknown Caller.” Unfortunately, I wasn’t at my answering machine or I would have taped it.

The vast majority of voters who never saw the debate would have no basis to doubt the caller’s points. Has any one else gotten this call? I am in the Grand Rapids area.

OK. Louise? First off, you are a dog. I know the Democrats want EVERYONE to have a vote, but this is ridiculous. Second, some folks may wonder how we could have found a person who was “disappointed” with Granholm’s performance so fast, gotten her on tape and fed it to the robocall program, all in less than 14 hours after the debate ended. Here’s how the boys down at CHUDD explained it to me: The woman on the phone isn’t an actual Granholm supporter or even a Devos supporter. In fact, she’s not a woman at all – she’s a ROBOT! Part of the Dick Devos Robot Army!
Pretty innovative, huh? We cut out that whole bothersome “working with humans” thing and go straight to the robots. Their reaction speed is many hundreds of times that of a human being AND they work for the kind of wages that Dick Devos likes to pay!

Right now we just have them making phone calls based upon Devos campaign buzzwords like “disappointment”,”doom, “despair” and “hopelessness” but I’m told that soon will be able to have them perform all sorts of tasks on the behalf of the campaign.

Fear me!

Update! Someone over at The Jennifer Granholm Fan Club taped the Robot Army in action. I was disappointed that there was no mayhem. Memo to scientists: version 2.0 must have mayhem!

Update x2!! I’m very disappointed that Jennifer Granholm Fan Club President Matt “Cory” Michlib has set up the Michigan Robocall Repository. Ha! Think you can imprison my Mighty Decepticons?? Not likely! In addition to robocall tapes, “Cory” is asking for Junk Mail. 

Devos/Granholm Debate: The Head has thrown down the gauntlet!

That’s right, Pinkos!! On Monday, October 2nd at 7:30 PM EST (or whenever the Billionairess lets me come out to play), the Disembodied Head of Dick Devos will take on ALL COMERS in an Internet-ially Televised Michigan Gubernatorial Debate Live Blogging Cage Match.

Granted the concept of the Disembodied Head in single combat vs. Michigan’s Titans of Tolerance doesn’t seem quite fair, but I can’t tie any hands behind my back so deal with it!

Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMBLE!!

UPDATE! I totally won! You can check here for the Liveblog from the debate and also see all my other Michigan Governor’s Debate new & reports. Also note that if you say “Gubernatorial” right (goober-natorial), people will think you’re smart. You can accomplish the same result by wearing glasses though!

Also, check out this post-debate photo gallery from That Saul (is a liar) Folks!

Dick Devos, Lobbyist for Unfair Trade

Oh great. First the affiliations with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and now allegations that Dick DeVos has spent his Amway fortune lobbying for unfair trade and outsourcing policies that have hurt the state of Michigan and benefitted Dick Devos.

What’s next? Stories that Dick Devos used to have a business that murdered puppies?

PS: Zack, how much money to get you to be quiet and play with your toys until November 9th or so?

Today be Campaign Like a Pirate Day!

The Head Sez that today we tells that winsome wench, Governor Jenny, that Michigan doesn’t needs somones to look out for the common folks ’cause we got Dirty Dick Devos, the richest man to ever ply these waters as our Cap’n. Dirty Dick will haul everyone into his downline, and Ruthless Ruth Johnson will take care of things while Dirty Dick Devos lays a course for the White House.

So sail off, me scurvy scuppers, and burn any blog to the waterline what doesn’t agree that Dirty Dick, Black Betsy and the rest of me blackhearted gang is the cure for what ails Michigan. And if we be not the cure for what ails Michigan, at least Michigan be the cure for what ails Dick Devos!

National Campaign Like a Pirate Day!

Harr me mateys! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day and I be having such fun with it that I, the Disembodied Head of Dick Devos, Captain of the Amway and Scourge of the Five Lakes do name tomorrow, September 20th, the first ever National Campaign Like a Pirate Day in honor of the scurvy crew of the HMS Florida and election-stealing pirates everywhere!

Captain Dick, Black Betsy, Ruthless Ruth Johnson, Slippery John Truscott and the rest of me gang of black-hearted rogues will be spreading dubloons from one end of the Michigan Main to the other, and we won’t rest ’till any who dare oppose us are walking the plank, dancing from the yardarm or on the jolly boat for China!

So sharpen up your cutlasses (or Diebold key), hoist the mainsail and set a course for Lansing … or anywhere else there’s votes to be plundered!!

I’ve fired a broadside across the bow of the King of France!

Kommie Kittie Krippled by CHUDD Masterstroke!

Late last night, seasoned CHUDD operatives stormed the secret tower of arch-commie blogger Wizard Kitten. In a complex (but ultimately successful) battle plan, the ballistic armor-clad mercenaries utilized experimental weaponry developed in conjunction with the Dum-Dum corporation. CHUDD Vice-Commander John Engleberry stated: “The blogger known as Wizard Kitten has been dealt a serious blow in Operation Lollipop. We baited her with eye candy and then stole her line breaks, rendering her blog even more incomprehensible than usual.  She simply could not resist the temptation. Ultimately, curiosity killed the cat.”

In related news, Vice-Commander Engleberry was seriously injured when his entire squadron experience a simultaneous weapons malfunction immediately following the delivery of that quote.

Dick Devos has some scary rich friends!

There should probably be a comma in that title somewhere. Grammar is not my strong point though. Anyway, Lenin & Co. over at MediaMouse organized my rolodex for me with this new section to their website called “The Far Right in West Michigan“. Of course they get all high and mighty about it saying:

The Far Right in West Michigan examines the West Michigan “far right” and their involvement in political action at the local, state, and national level. The database tracks organizations, individuals, and foundations ranging from explicitly white supremacist groups to anti-gay religious right groups funded by wealthy families such as the DeVos and Prince families. Our broad definition of the far right includes the racist, economic, and religious right and explores the various anti-gay, anti-immigrant, anti-government anti-abortion, and other such groups activte in West Michigan as well as the individuals that work with them and the foundations that fund them.

Well excuse me Comrade Mouseketeer. I suppose you never donated thousands of dollars to organizations with former members of the Ku Klux Klan on their board or groups that aim to establish Biblical theocratic republics. What? You haven’t?

I suppose you haven’t given hundreds of thousands of dollars to political candidates across the country like Dick Devos has either. Really?

Well, in any case, welcome to “the List”.

The Head is watching you, commie swine!

Just in case the Michigan Commosphere got the idea that the ever-vigilant gaze of Disembodied Head has faltered, I assure you that is not the case. Here are some of the worst offenders that have been passed to me by the seasoned operatives of CHUDD:

• The arch-criminal masterminds at Michigan caucus have started a new blog, The Michigan Libeler.
• DeVos is a Dick has helpfully compiled some of Dick Devos’s better quotes and recognized the Dick Devos Turnaround Plan for Detroit.
• The Michigan Branch of the Communist party raises an interesting alternative for Dick Devos to being governor of Michigan that we’ll be exploring in the weeks to come. (thanks to “Commie Boy” for the tip!)
• Liberalace highlighted John Engler coming to the defense of Dick Devos and Amway. Thanks John, my wallet is always open for you!
• The Soup Lady is all teary over the undeclared war on the middle class. Like we care. I don’t know ANYONE from the middle class and none of my friends at the Club do either!
• Gandalf McGollum is whining about the Chinese government harvesting organs. Hello!! It’s BUSINESS, elf-boy! Corporations don’t care about peripheral details like what the Chinese government is doing to Chinese Christians – it’s all about the Benjamins, baby!
• and of course the entire Michigan pinkosphere was atwitter over General Jenny’s appearance at the court of the King of France (which CHUDD was able to disrupt!)
• Speaking of the King of France, the Kossacks are all excited because Governor Jenny hit 50% in the latest poll. Oh no! What ever shall I do. I know, spend ANOTHER $30 million!