Archive for the ‘ruthjohnson’ Category

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It came from beyond…

November 7, 2006

Attack of the Killer Heads

In a time of darkness, when Hope seemed to have gone out for a pack of smokes and ended up on a boat to China, when television seemed to have become nothing more than an ad delivery service, when the most flawed candidate in the history of our state seemed like a credible threat, well, in those days the people of Michigan finally got a chance to have their say.

Vote, people, and get your friends, relatives and total strangers to do the same.

Michigan’s future isn’t for sale.

UPDATES GALORE:

Ominous music to hum on Election Day!

Kos Posted with a Kattle Kart o’ Komments!!

Michigan Liberal with a … multitude of meh???!!!

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Dick DeVos Dove Hunt 2006

November 5, 2006

Dick DeVos Michigan Dove Hunt 2006
There I was: hovering high above the Michigan interWeb like a proud but disappointed eagle when a fast-dodging mourning dove alerted me to this post by some bird-watcher guy. A bird watcher? With a political opinion? Hello in there, Mr. Red-breasted Nuthatch. Let’s leave politics to the politicians … and the soap guys.

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Dick Devos Beats the Yankees!

October 8, 2006

Dick Devos Amway Guy Curse Bombs the NY Yankees

AT LAST IT CAN BE TOLD!! The true story of how the New York Yankees, the Greatest Lineup in Baseball History was laid low by one Head, one Curse, one Plan for Michigan!

Dick in a Spartan Hat - GO BLUE!! :pLast week Michigan’s beloved Detroit Tigers (at least that’s what the pollsters tell me) appeared to be all washed up. When Michigan Republican candidate for Governor Dick Devos sees a problem, he doesn’t think, he just jumps right in and says he’s disappointed about it! That still might not have been enough, but one of the bright boys down at CHUDD came up with the idea of REVERSING the polarity on the famous “Curse of the Amway Guy“, the terrible hex that Dick Devos is able to throw on sports teams through nothing more than showing up at the game and schmoozing for votes! The Curse nearly ended the Tigers’ season and turned the MSU Spartans into a Pop Warner football team, but would it be enough to take down the Yankees sky-high payroll?

Don’t worry A-Rod, Dick Devos will run for President!Since I’m inable to think for myself, I decided it sounded like a splendid idea! I changed my name to protect myself from the rumored Disembodied Head of George Steinbrenner and went on the road to visit hallowed Yankee Stadium. Die-hard New York Yankee fans were a bit stand-offish at first, but when I showed them my plans for Michigan and Detroit, they warmed right up to me!

I think I laid it on a little thick Wednesday night, causing a rainout and almost getting hit by lightning. On Thursday, I increased my elevation to 900 feet and concentrated on how disappointed I was that the people of Michigan can’t stop talking about all the bad things Dick Devos has done. That worked great, except for when Johnny Damon got a home run because I had to flee a swarm of pigeons who thought I was a bag of popcorn.

Disembodied Head of Joe Lieberman ... with lasersOn Friday, I was all for returning to Michigan and watching the game at Comerica Park, but everyone at CHUDD started screaming, crying and carrying on so much about “bad mojo transferrence” and “negative downtalking vibes” that they were able to convince me to remain hovering over Yankee Stadium. I did get to listen to most of the game by following a traffic copter around (until they mistook me for the Disembodied Head of Joe Lieberman and flew off). I was amazed to find out that in addition to being a great singer, that Kenny Rogers is a pretty good pitcher too!

Dick Devos of Amway Tours New York CityI spent the day Saturday just taking in the sights of the Big Apple. The Billionairess and I go there a lot, but usually we’re shopping for shoes with Condi or attending some fancy Republican fundraiser or something. I really enjoyed myself just hanging around with the common folk, at least until they scrambled the fighter jets to chase me away from Lady Liberty. I disguised myself as a little black raincloud let my love rain down on “The House that Lt Gov Candidate Ruth Johnson Built”. Towards the end of the game, I figured that even my incredible powers of game-hexing wouldn’t be enough to turn the tide and zipped back to Detroit to catch the last inning. Then Joel Zumaya spotted me after the Posada home run and drove me off with a hail of 103 MPH fastballs.

So Michigan, forget about Jim Leyland and the gutsy Tigers, the real credit for this win goes to the Disembodied Head of Dick Devos and the Curse of Amway Guy! And Oakland A’s fans and the rest of America: Fear Me … but be my friend on MySpace!

Old English D, New Money D!

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Laura Bush supports Dick Devos for Governor, President decently stays away

October 1, 2006

If I close my eyes, I can't see George Bush!!

Pretending to Be Sad that my buddy W wasn't thereThis had moved from the link where I found it, so I’m posting it here in case it moves again because I really want everyone to hear all the nice things Laura Bush (the wonderful woman who the American people elected to be First Lady of the United States) had to say about Dick Devos in a reception at the Oakland Hills Country Club.

I also want to once again pass along my heartfelt thanks to Laura’s husband, He Of Whom Republicans Will Not Speak, for staying far, far away from Michigan. Love you, Dubya, but keep out of Michigan for another 5 weeks!! BFF!!!
Click below for Laura Bush’s speech endorsing Dick Devos (and scroll waaaay down for the Detroit Free Press article)!
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Today be Campaign Like a Pirate Day!

September 20, 2006

Dick Devos, Pirate Candidate

The Head Sez that today we tells that winsome wench, Governor Jenny, that Michigan doesn’t needs somones to look out for the common folks ’cause we got Dirty Dick Devos, the richest man to ever ply these waters as our Cap’n. Dirty Dick will haul everyone into his downline, and Ruthless Ruth Johnson will take care of things while Dirty Dick Devos lays a course for the White House.

So sail off, me scurvy scuppers, and burn any blog to the waterline what doesn’t agree that Dirty Dick, Black Betsy and the rest of me blackhearted gang is the cure for what ails Michigan. And if we be not the cure for what ails Michigan, at least Michigan be the cure for what ails Dick Devos!

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Ruth Johnson: A Woman, From Oakland County

August 16, 2006

A Woman, From Oakland County
What with all the kidnapping, I almost forgot to introduce you all to Ruth “The Woman From Oakland County” Johnson.

Michigan, as we see itNow a lot of people are saying “You only picked her because she’s a woman from Oakland County,” when actually nothing could be farther from the truth. I remember how surprised I was when John “I Only Salute the Top Brass” Triscuit Truscott said to me “Dick, she’s a woman, from Oakland County.” Then he showed me the map and I could see that a woman from Oakland County was really the only choice we could make for the good of Michigan.

As Genesee County Republican Chairwoman Denise Graves said “Even Oakland County is hurting.” Can you see how critical this is? Oakland County is hurting. If Oakland County is hurting, can you imagine how those other people are doing?? We need to move on things like slashing the estate tax, getting rid of business taxes and cutting back on non-essential services like public schools before it’s too late!