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Liveblogging Debate #1: Dick Devos vs. Jennifer Granholm

October 2, 2006

Victory for Dick Devos!
I edited this to make me sound better and also to make me look taller. And more governatorial. Governorish. Whatever. Purists may complain that “It’s unfair to edit a blog” but I counter with the fact that I’m a proud supporter of the Party that Edits HISTORY!

Skubick opens with a zinger about lying in ads. The Dickster finds Jenny guilty: Judge, jury, executioner!! Jenny then tried to change the subject with a baseless attack on Amway. The voters are way too smart to fall for the idea that Dick Devos would lie. Point to the Dickster!

Then I claimed credit for turning around Grand Rapids. It could be true. Can we get a fact check on that? Oh, apparently Dick Devos DIDN’T turn around Grand Rapids. Did, didn’t, the point is: I’m rich!
Jenny said Engler lost 240,000 jobs in his final term. That’s a bald-faced lie. Wait. Apparently, Engler did lose almost 1/4 of a million jobs toward the end of his term. Stupid facts. No matter, I’ll just keep hammering the fact that she lost jobs. I never lost any. Well, the Amway ones, but that’s different. That’s business.

Skubick tricked me with a question about the water board. Next.

Then Granholm started lying outright about my work to change the laws to be more friendly to business. Tried to make it seem like Dick Devos (with help from Newt Gingrich) snuck an Amway break into a NASA bill. I did, but that’s not the point. The point is that Dick Devos was right there, fighting FOR the corporations!

Levin, Clinton, Dick Devos is everyone’s friend but Dubya!

Tim Skubick deftly changes the subject and implicates the Gov for every murdered person in Michigan since 1907. Advantage Devos! Welcome to the Dark Side, Tim Skubick, your evil Jedi name is Darth Blowhardius!

Discussion turned to the SBT. I laid out my very clear plan to replace it.

  1. Business based tax
  2. A Tax on Business
  3. Need to replace at least half

There, that should be detailed enough for everyone. Dick Devos has a plan to replace the SBT. Like Lee Iacocca says: if you can’t cut 5% from your budget in any given year, you’re not trying! While this is a bunch more than 5%, the general idea is sound. The important thing to remember about my plan: Iacocca!

Then Skubik the little WEASEL gives Jenny a softball asking if there’s anything I’m hiding. Hiding?? Of COURSE Dick Devos is HIDING things from Michigan. Like the Alterra thing. Uh oh. I revoke Skubick’s evil Jedi name.
Then I gloriously pledged to never accept monies from Special Interests. Then it went back to the shares. 12 million shares. Whatever. Can’t we leave this sordid mess behind?

Social issues? Time to go!

I was surprised to learn that I was a great fan of stem cell research. Concerned fan, but great news nonetheless. Let’s find out about those stem cells.
Remember that Dick Devos will be a “process of being governor”, the Governating Process that Michigan needs! Something you may not know about me is that I did three triathalons this summer. Dick Devos runs. He’s a runner! Running for Michigan and running from his past!
Granholm called me a fancy lobbyist. Fancy? I wore the blue suit, how’s that fancy? Didn’t use all her time though. I then closed strongly by applying for the job of Governor. Since I’ll work for free, I think the job is in the bag.

Victory for Dicky D! (My Armada of Lawyers stands ready to dispute any claims that I might have lost).

For example, here’s Zacky P Trixxter says “Governor Granholm Won Hands Down”. He’s obviously got a schoolboy crush on Governor Glitter, but he did put together a blow by blow listing of my utter domination of the debate that you’ll want to print out and frame.

Of course Wizard Kitten is right there claiming victory for Michigan’s Crown Princess of Compassion. Actually it’s the Free Press but I think we all know what kind of paper the Free Press is.

Christine Barry is making some kind of point about how criticizing the Gov for blaming Michigan’s economy on Engler is like criticizing Republicans for blaming 911 on Clinton. I’m not smart enough to figure out where she’s going with that.

Watch the replay of the debate. (If you fast forward, stick your fingers in your ears and say “disappointed” about 15 times, you’ll find you agree that I won)

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