I stumbled on this letter that my beloved wife Betsy “The Billionairess” Devos wrote as I was rooting through her underwear drawers, and it’s so unbearably sweet and thoughtful that I just had to share it with you.
Dear Person Who I Would Cheerfully Drive Over if I Didn’t Need Your Vote,
My husband Dick’s 51st birthday is TODAY, October 21st but I’d really like to make his “gift day” the next day, Sunday October 22nd. Birthday and a Gift Day – Dick Devos is way, way specialer than you are!
On October 22nd, our campaign’s financial disclosure Whaaa-? Oh, I thought for a minute I had to disclose my assets, no worries is due and the kids and I would like to give Dick a birthday present by raising $51,000 for his campaign for Governor against Jennifer Granholm. $51,000 is all it will take to defeat Jenny. That, and a total suspension of rational thought – together Michigan, we can turn off our brains to Make a Difference!
Will you please help out and join the tens of thousands of friends, neighbors, volunteers, grassroots activists and caring citizens who have invested $20, $35, $40 or $100 in our campaign to change Michigan for the better? They’re not exactly our friends and neighbors giving $20. Twenty bucks doesn’t get the grass pressed on your private putting green in OUR neighborhood.
When Governor Granholm attacks my husband, she says things that just aren’t so. When I attack Governor Granholm, I say things that not only aren’t so, but are in poor taste as well. Important distinction! The desperation to get re-elected at all costs makes people behave in disappointing ways. Disappointing! She’s my wife for sure. And let me tell you also that the desperation to be elected for the first time at all costs is even worse. Some days I don’t know if I’m buying an election or mortgaging my political future. I’ve taken so many shots that I’d blow a 4.3 on a Breath-a-lyzer for measuring negative juju!
I’m so proud of the campaign Dick has waged, the vision and plans he has for turning Michigan around, and his love for Michigan shines through. Some people might be confusing that with love of money or power. The key is the eyes. Look into the eyes, you’ll be able to tell. When he wins, his confident, effective, results-oriented leadership will be a gift to the people of Michigan. I love that woman! Not “if” he wins. She speaks with the quiet certainty of faith in her man … or Diebold. Kidding! Michigan actually doesn’t use the Diebold “Republican Special” Model of Voting Machines.
But first we’ve got a campaign to win CHECK!, a birthday to celebrate CHECK!!, a campaign finance disclosure report to file CHE- Report? Reports are hard and if there’s one thing Dick Devos hates, it’s telling anything about money. My motto is “My Business is none of your Business!” and a goal to meet Birthday party for Dick!.
Will you help by making your safe and secure online contribution today?
Betsy Prince Devos, my Billionaire Babydoll, I love you. Pay no attention to what they say about my need to keep you gagged and away from the media, all the money you and your family gave to the anti-public school voucher effort, the fact that you said Michigan’s problems were that its jobs were too good, that you suggested we were buying influence with our huge contributions, that your brother Erik Prince is the head of Blackwater USA, the largest private army in the world and the Haliburton of military contractors and – Dang honey, could you try and take it easy here? I got this election thing going on here…
No matter what they say, you’ll alway be my Little Lovey-dovey Lady of Limitless Liability!
Speaking of Erik Prince and Blackwater…
Gifts for Dick: Christine Barry gave me some birthday presents … they were … interesting.