In a time of darkness, when Hope seemed to have gone out for a pack of smokes and ended up on a boat to China, when television seemed to have become nothing more than an ad delivery service, when the most flawed candidate in the history of our state seemed like a credible threat, well, in those days the people of Michigan finally got a chance to have their say.
Vote, people, and get your friends, relatives and total strangers to do the same.
There I was: hovering high above the Michigan interWeb like a proud but disappointed eagle when a fast-dodging mourning dove alerted me to this post by some bird-watcher guy. A bird watcher? With a political opinion? Hello in there, Mr. Red-breasted Nuthatch. Let’s leave politics to the politicians … and the soap guys.
Get down on the Gold Digger, Dick DeVos Remix and YouTube it up if you’re a true sports racer … and remember: if you want to be flash, fear the man with all the cash!
Greetings Comrades! Today is a glorious day for all by my proclamation! All will be happier, wealthier with whiter teeth on Chairman Dickie Amway China Magic Sign Day! Actually, none will be wealthier or have whiter teeth except Chairman Dickie and the party leaders, but all will be happier in our great wealth and not mind if their own teeth crumble for lack of health care.
The crack team at CHUDD has produced these patriotic and inspirational signs that all soliders in the Dick Devos Army of Cultural Devolution are requested to display with proud immediacy alongside the mandatory picture of Chairman Dickie, their Amway China Collectible Bear and their Amway Dick Action Figure with karate job-chopping action!
Wacko Zacko has fallen into a poll-induced coma and has yet to get his links o’ the day up for today This just in! In the Official Amway Guy poll of 1 likely voter, I WIN* with 100% of the vote – in your FACE, pollsters!! (*+/- 100%)
Over at the Pound Puppies Fan Club, Cordelia Lear is outraged over Saul’s latest pack of lies tying Granholm to people she doesn’t even know and Devos to people he gives money to.
Liberal Lulu says we should fight for our children. I would, I would, it’s just that my face is so deep in the Trough of Tax Breaks that I can’t see them any more!
Lifestyles of the Rich & Infamous is an exclusive look inside the swanky life of Dick Devos with guest appearances by Gorgeous George Bush, Jailhouse Jack Abramoff and Tricky Tom DeLay! It was made by the Michigan Democrats but you and I know that they’re just jealous!
The campaign is in the home stretch and before things get too crazy, I would like to direct your attention to the phenomenal success of my Campaign for Secrecy! All you h8ers who think that Tricky Dicky can’t do anything right better take a look at my Plan for Secrecy 5.6: The Business of Dick Devos is none of your Business, Michigan:
DeVos won’t release tax returns: “Republican candidate for governor Dick DeVos, a member of one of America’s richest families, says he will not release his entire income tax returns. He says he will provide some summaries of his wealth.” Summaries should be good enough for the people of Michigan and if they’re not, TOO BAD!
How Dick Devos will pay for Michigan tax cuts: While my $2 or $3 billion dollars in tax cuts got slammed by Governor Granholm in the debates, only a few articles got written on the subject, I never was forced to answer the question in the debates and it appears that most everyone is in favor of my “I’ll Figure it out Later” strategy. Don’t ask, cause I won’t tell!
How poor of a communicator is Dick DeVos? How cavalier is the gubernatorial candidate toward the public’s right to know? …
“Thank you for your interest in Dick DeVos’ campaign for change. We respect that your organization is engaged in the public arena. People coming together to address issues is a quintessential American right and tradition. At this time, we will not be responding to your questionnaire.”
No, no — thank you, Mr. DeVos, for reminding us of a quintessential press obligation to inform the public to expect the same dismissive treatment from a DeVos administration.
Amway and the Bermuda Tax Haven: “Over the last 3 years, the Michigan Legislature, controlled by Republicans who support the Amway Guy, has enacted laws designating Bermuda as a tax haven country five separate times.” What does it say that a news search for “Amway Bermuda Tax Haven” produces THREE articles and that all of these articles are just about the accusation? I don’t know but I can tell you that Dirty Dick is smiling all the way to the nameless, tax sheltered bank!
The DeVos Alterra Lie: The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel could figure out that “Alterra board chairman Jerry L. Tubergen is executive director of the RDV Corp., the investment vehicle of the DeVos Family, which owns 20% of Alterra.” It’s not a lie if nobody cares!
Dick Devos Support for School Vouchers: “Dick DeVos Jr. has used his family’s fortune and status to create an intricate national network of non-profits, political action committees and federal groups known as 527s that effectively fund the political arm of the school voucher movement.” Devos & family are still funding these efforts in other states. If you close your eyes and stick your fingers in your ears, you might have a career as an investigative journalist!
Secret Religious and Social Agendas of Dick DeVos:Whether it’s Intelligent design, undermining the rights of gays, re-criminalizing abortion or breaking down the wall separating church from state, it’s no secret that Dick Devos has a secret agenda. Can I say it’s a matter of personal faith and keep it secret if my faith says that I have to impose it on you?
Disembodied Headquarters would like to thank DemWave for his mad research skillz. His ability to use The Google coupled with something called “curiosity” make us happy that he is not working for a newspaper or TV station.
Don’t forget that Dick Devos is a quitter!
In an unprecedented move, DeVos will announce that is he prepared to dip into his own personal fortune and pay the state’s revenue shortfall – $3.5 billion or more – if elected govenor. DeVos could lose up to 0.2% of his net worth.
As I was floating around on The Google, I realized it had been a long time since I went out and viciously attacked the liberal blog-o-thingee. First, I had to take the edge off my hunger – a Head develops a powerful appetite on the road for Big Bucks – so I decided to find some cookies. Imagine my surprise when an innocent search for “SPRINKLES” led to Liberal Lucy’s Lady Leader Lovefest, a relatively new blog about how we become closer as a community, stronger as a state, and more invested as global players. Closer? Keep your distance: I have a private army and I’m not afraid to use it!
I’ll get back to the cookies but first, Reasons to Say No to Dick and Yes to Jen? These are a bunch of bite-sized (mmm) but well thought out arguments against Dick Devos and for the Gal Governor Jennifer Granholm. Let me refute quickly:
Now back to the cookie thing. Lucy has apparently some sort of degree in Cookieology and has developed an equation of Politics + Cooking = Democracy Cookies. She explains:
Here’s how they work. My friends and co-workers have been alerted that if they show up with an “I Voted” Sticker on November 7th (or promise they filled out an absentee ballot) they get some Democracy Cookies. This is not a bribe, and I’m not asking people to vote for any particular candidate or any particular way on a ballot/millage proposal. This is just a way of saying how much I appreciate people participating in the democracy process by voting, period.
I’m not sure how to respond to this. I feel like I should offer people money or something if they vote but I’m not sure how people going out to vote helps ME. Really, all I want is some of those sprinkles…
A search on “Dick Devos is Rich” leaves little doubt that Google still has no love the Disembodied Head. It also finds that Diamond Dick is the richest man to run for governor in state history. This little lady notes that Dick Devos has bucked tradition and refused to disclose his tax returns. Memo to Michigan from the gold-plated desk of Dick Devos: You don’t care how much I pay or don’t pay in taxes, you care only about your own taxes. If for some reason you do care, my finances are “an issue we will address openly and directly at the appropriate time”. Which is not now. So bugger off!
Still, voters are a curious lot (at least as compared to say … reporters) and many still want to know “Well how much money does Dick Devos have?”. The Granholm campaign tried to make this an issue (story) saying “DeVos’ arrogant refusal to open his tax return to public inspection, the way Gov. Granholm and every other recent candidate has done, makes it clear that he is hiding something.” The campaign responded that the allegation was “ludicrous”, which was apparently code for “nothing to hide … except Alterra“.
During the final debate, the Tricky Dick was accused of setting up a Bermuda tax haven to hide profits from Amway’s overseas operations. Sadly, the crack delegation of journalists dispatched to investigate the claims vanished in the Bermuda Triangle.
So how much money does Dick Devos have? The answer is: Dick Devos sure as hell isn’t going to tell you.
Cross-posted as MI-GOV: Dickie Rich, Poor Little Rich’s Boy on Kos. Feel free to steal this picture below for your blog or whatever. In fact, steal whatever the heck you want ’cause Dick Devos sure as hell plans on stealing from you!
Some people are saying 
Now back to the cookie thing. Lucy has apparently some sort of degree in Cookieology and has developed an equation of 
Still, voters are a curious lot (at least as compared to say … reporters) and many still want to know “Well how much money does Dick Devos have?”. The Granholm campaign tried to make this an issue (
The Disembodied Head of Dick Devos 
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