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Episode 69: In which the space-time continuum & the fourth wall are shattered by the venality of Dick Devos

October 19, 2006

Do What the OTHER Head Sez…
Greetings inhabitants of Earth 7723-Q. I am The Disembodied Head of Another Dick Devos, summoned here by the outrageous venality and baseness of your Dick Devos. I should explain that my world and my Dick Devos are quite different than yours. In my world “Mr. Dick” is beloved by all as a philanthropist and champion for social justice. His crowning achievement is an organization called “Amway” though which better-off people at the top of the pyramid seek to enrich the lives of their less fortunate “downline” by helping them in all ways to reach their full potential as human beings. I am told that your Earth’s Amway is more concerned with soap.

But I digress. There was a news item in one of your papers regarding a recent debate:

“Mr. Devos, if you have a beef with me, bring it on, I can take it. Use my name. But let’s leave the names of deceased children out of this,” Granholm said. “But if you’re determined to pick a fight, I hope you pick on someone your own size.”

Devos did not respond to that challenge during the debate, but said afterward that some of these children who died were the responsibility of the state, and it was the fault of the administration that they lost their lives.

“They deserve the dignity to have their names mentioned,” he said.

This caused something inside the Disembodied Head of your Disembodied Head of Dick Devos to snap. He began screaming “Yes, by all means, let’s dignify their tragic deaths by dragging them and their families and friends through the media! And can we get a photo-op with one of the little tricycles that they will never ride again … to add more dignity??!!”

Your Head then set to meddling with complex machinery and somehow tore a hole in space and time, summoning me here. I gave him a tricycle which seems to have calmed him down.

Now I am a gentle Head, not given to harsh words or judgement, but let me say that I am appalled by the actions of your Dick Devos. Using dead children or adults as political poker chips is frankly ghoulish and so far from “Governor-like” as to be utterly beyond my comprehension. To suggest that this cheap political trick somehow lends “dignity” to their memories … I suspect there are not the words for it in my world OR yours.

Your world is strange and frightens me, but I will remain here for a short while to answer questions and eat some deep fried cheese sticks, which are forbidden in my world. Besides, your Disembodied Head appears quite taken with his new tricycle and will likely be unavailable for most of the day.

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