Archive for the ‘democrats’ Category

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News Release: How Dick Devos will pay for Michigan tax cuts

October 22, 2006

How Dick Devos will pay for Michigan tax cuts

There has been great consternation and outcry in radio and television, asking “Mr. Dick DeVos, how the heck are you going to pay for the $3.5 billion or more in tax cuts you are promising?

Actually, nobody seems to be asking that but IN CASE THEY DO, let me say loudly and unequivocally: This is all the Governor’s fault. Granted, Job-loss Jenny’s failed policies did not directly cause the implosion of the auto industry. Apparently skyrocketing retirement costs, lower labor costs in other states and countries, and competition from companies who weren’t focusing everything on making and marketing gigantic gas hogs did that. Still, nobody can deny that our Gal Governor DID fail miserably in replacing the tens of thousands of jobs lost in the auto industry and related sectors.

What’s more, our Liberal Leader Lady has some sort of “plan” in place. She is saying things like “In five years, you’re going to be blown away by the strength and diversity of Michigan’s transformed economy.” (1) and “In this first round of funding, 500 companies applied … 500 companies who want to come to Michigan and to grow in Michigan and hire tens of thousands of people in Michigan in areas that won’t be outsourced. And so my friends, we are thrilled with how this economic plan is working.“(2)

Blown away? Thrilled? Is this the kind of optimism Michigan needs? Heck no! Four years to recover from the collapse of Michigan’s #1 industry since 1939 is four years too long! We can’t afford to wait – we require immediate results. We also require everyone to be as upset and pessimistic about the future as possible. It would also be nice if the Detroit Tigers lost the baseball series quickly so that our campaign can get maximum mileage out of our “empty Comerica Park” ads. (3) You could also all buy some soap.
In conclusion and and addressing once and for all how Dick Devos will pay for his tax cuts I want to say: Read my lips, it’s the Governor’s fault!

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Footnotes…

(1) 2006 State of the State Address
http://www.michigan.gov/gov/0,1607,7-168-39899—,00.html

(2) Actual speech at the 2006 MDP Convention
https://secure2.convio.net/gfg/video/Convention_JMG.mov or
http://www.granholmforgov.com/site/PageServer?pagename=convention2006

(3) “Go” Tigers! Empty Comerica Park:
See “Twice” on http://www.devosforgovernor.com/Multimedia/VLog/
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfNLDeMwIG8

(4) I know that after all this, your big question is: Where the heck can I get myself a tricked out flying typewriter like yours??!!

See the ad referenced above from YouTube.

Media Coverage of this Momentous Announcement

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Dickenstein: The Movie (and a scary Dick Devos Halloween Mask!)

October 18, 2006

To everybody who got “private” on the video I’m informed that the jamming efforts by CHUDD have been overridden and the video is not available.

Curses, foiled again.I LIIIIIIIIIVE …. Dickenstein!

I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVE!!

… and I look pretty darn good too! Now get on over to Michigan Caucus and watch the Dickenstein!

Dick Devos Halloween Mask!Then, when you’re in the Halloween mood, be sure to come back to get your Bloodsucking Dick Devos Haloween Mask!

Forbes Magazine has some other billionaire Halloween masks. For some reason I found this one in the dumpster. I think there’s nothing scarier than Dick Devos and that the vampire really evokes my plans for Michigan and gives a big shout-out to all those in Amway’s downline that Dick Devos drained of money!

Speaking of movies…

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Liveblogging Debate #3: Dick Devos vs. Jennifer Granholm

October 17, 2006

Scary Debate 3 Starring Dick Devos
I think the first thing the public saw at the third Michigan Gubernatorial Debate from Dick Devos was a bold new look, a look that said “I have glasses, I’m smart.” My handlers agreed that they made me look like a Goober, which is a clear step toward gubernatorial. Look for more exciting initiatives soon! Then there was some cheering for the local baseball club. Baseball? What’s the deal with that? Give me a rousing game of Jarts any day.

The Governor said she’d enact her 21st Century Jobs Fund as the one piece of legislation she’d pick to turn Michigan around. Then she challenged me to stop using the images of dead children for my commercials and to “pick on somebody my own size”. A low blow for sure as I believe size is judged by your works and my works at Amway and elsewhere are quite unique. Then I answered the actual question ’cause I’m not gonna dodge the tough questions and said I would adopt my economic plan that I put forth. It has 134 specific ideas ranging from #37: Keep sharp pencils AWAY from eyes to #113: Chinese workers will work for 1/50th of what a Michigan worker will. Food for thought, people! I also hammered the Gov for investing in research. Bunch of pointy-head geeks in a lab – like THAT ever produced anything.

Then Steven Clark asked me if I was insulted by being compared to George Bush in the morph ad. Hell yes! I mean no. I didn’t specifically mention That Guy in the White House by name (if I can’t show pictures of dead children, then she shouldn’t be able to mention him) but nobody should be insulted by being compared to any President. Except that guy. The Gov suggested that free trade agreements and a Bush Administration that is not standing up for our automotive sector are the root. She also said I have been one of George Bush’s biggest financial backers and personally lobbied for the passage of these free trade agreements that have so devastated Michigan’s economy. Well, true, but that’s not the point. The point is that companies in OTHER states are doing fine. The Governor’s saying that Michigan is the only state in the country that’s the automotive capital of the world, that it’s not “rocket science” as to why Michigan is uniquely challenged. I say “TOUGH!” - quit whining about Ford, GM & Chrysler all being in Michigan – you should have thought of that before you ran for Governor!

Then a bunch of people emailed that “they don’t trust Dick Devos” and “Dick Devos is trying to buy his way into the Governorship”. As a citizen of Michigan I would find insulting if someone suggested I could be bought. Sure, I’m spending more than any candidate ever has in Michigan, but that’s just because I’m rich and accustomed to buying anything I want. I then cite the Detroit News. I love that paper.

Wshew. Softball on smoking question. Dick Devos supports choice on smoking. Appeal to everyone, say nothing. The Gov then tries to shift the focus to healthcare. Dodging the softball and answering a harder question, typical. She asks me about my plan, so I shift the focus and attack her. Anyone see a pattern? Question > Governor Answer > Rebuttal > Attack Governor > Check Fly > Repeat.

The Jobs Killing SBT comes up. The Gov has some “plan” for replacing it and then attacks my $1 or $2 billion dollar hole I’d leave. I say “gross receipts tax” and “gross profits tax” and “replace the revenue”. That sounds like a plan to me! She then attacks me for incorporating my subsidiaries in Bermuda to avoid paying US taxes. I am profoundly disappointed. Not answering or refuting, but very disappointed.

Then it’s time for the voters to talk with us. We are instructed to stay behind our podiums for the safety of all. A woman says her family business and schools are struggling. Hey, I have a family business too! I point out that she’s never had the struggles that business people like us have faced. I can identify with this woman! I transformed a multi-million dollar company (Amway) into a slightly smaller multi-million dollar company (Alticor).

Then a young woman asks the Gov what she’s going to do about college education. She talks about her increased Merit scholarship, standards increases and then says she inherited a $4 billion budget deficit from my predecessor and had to cut more out of state government than any governor in the history of Michigan. Hello? Yesterday! I accuse her of cutting from education. I am not at all clear on this inherited $4 billion budget deficit thing. She asks how I will cut money and increase investment.

Then some guy asks about trash from Canada. I am opposed to trash dumping. I blame the Governor. She blames the Feds. I say “we need to go to Washington to get things done”. Dick Devos knows Washington and how to get things done there. It’s a complex thing involving briefcases and drop points and lots and lots of junkets. Junkets for junk! Then she talks about the Interstate Commerce Clause in the Constitution and says raise fees and increase recycling. I attack her for a drop in recycling. I don’t answer HOW I will get it done, but I will get it done. Trust me.

Next is a question about education funding. The Gov talks about investing in K-12 is at record levels and making sense of health care through her Michigan First health care initiative. She also asks me how I will balance the budget. Hello? Balanced budget? I say the K-12 system is suffering and struggling. I tout my involvement in K-12 education. She comes back and attacks me on my involvement in the voucher movement and says that even now I am investing in the voucher movement in seven other states. True, but not in Michigan … yet.

Then I proceed to whomp the Gov’s butt on manufacturing. She says she’ll reduce the Personal property tax by 35% but I say it’s gotta be all of it. Not gonna tell you how I’ll pay for it. Think of it as a “tax surprise party”.

The next topic is Detroit, she points out a lot of specific things like Tech Town and Next Energy, investing in affordable housing, cost of insurance. I say education is the key. People argued, the Governor did nothing. She then asks if I would support a reinstatement of the inheritance tax for the 800 wealthiest families in the state so that that funding can go to hire police and fire firefighters. Yeah, that’s me. Not gonna dignify that with a response.

We then offer our closing statements. I go first and attack, attack, attack and rain doom and gloom on Michigan. I point to less police officers on the street, totally unaware that the Federal policing grant is the reason. It’s not my job to know facts, it’s my job to be the Promiser!

Governor Granholm closes with “There are tremendous, large contrasts in this race. Large contrasts. I’m somebody who has fought for you, for all citizens. He’s somebody who has stood on the other side of the things I’ve fought for. I’ve fought to create jobs here and diversify our economy here in Michigan—he’s eliminated 1400 jobs in Michigan when he was CEO of Amway. I’ve fought the policies of outsourcing and unfair trade of George Bush. He’s George Bush—one of George Bush’s biggest backers and has supported those unfair trade practices that have hurt us. I went to Asia to bring home 22 companies, 1000 jobs and $200 million in investment—he went to Asia and invested $200 million and created thousands of jobs there.”

She says I’m George Bush when in fact it’s easy to tell the difference between Dick Devos and Dubya.

I win – 3 for 3, baby! I’m like the Dimaggio Ordonez of debating! MVP!!

Some Debate Links (for the masochists)

  • Granholm – DeVos 3rd debate transcription Kommie Kittie turns my own words against me.
  • Outside it’s America: 3rd Debate Links Whacko Zacko DID watch Wife Swap but has all the links. Crap, if I had known I could just read or watch it today, I could have too. The Trackback Zack then disses the Detroit News for writing: “What’s the problem with cutting another $1 billion in the budget to attract more jobs to Michigan with lower business taxes if she already has cut $4 billion in a $41 billion budget?” saying “Gee, what’s a billion here, a billion there?” I don’t get it either. A billion here, billion in Bermuda. It’s only money people and have plenty of it. If the state comes up short, I’m sure we can find some places to cut. Schools, roads, police, who cares. The important thing is to CUT TAXES FOR DICK DEVOS AND HIS RICH FRIENDS!
  • The Michigan Moderate Militia has the full debate transcript (boring!) Flight Commander Ferguson says “Word on the street is that Amway Guy walked away pissed after taking questions about him using the names of deceased children in his attacks. Supposedly he hit or punched the car as he was getting in.” Yeah. The Governor attacks me for dragging dead children through the mud. If we can’t use dead children in our attack ads, then this isn’t the America Dick Devos wants.
  • Christine Barry went toe-to-toe with Raging Bullard himself. I’m not kidding, he’s “Raging Bullard” with a little De Niro guy and everything. It’s kind of sweet, really. Christine sums up my platform well: “If you want a Governor who is going to gut Michigan and declare every man for himself, then you should vote for DeVos.”
  • The Isabella County Democratic Party says Last Two Minutes Wins Governor Re-Election. I wasn’t aware that Diebold was a Democrat donor. Zing!

Fear the Head, people!

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Dick Devos Goals for Michigan’s Final Gubernatorial Debate

October 16, 2006

Dick Devos Debate Goals

Well, it’s already down to the final debate between Governor Jennifer Granholm and Tricky Dicky Devos. I have to say that I have done a stellar job of following Secret Debate Plan Codename Schultz: Dick Devos knows NUH-ZINK!

Tonight the script calls for more of the same! Across the Frogger-like street of politics, Dems like Communista Cat are saying “mean and vindictive little man” and “the GOP will Leave No Child Unexploited in their quest for power” and are thinking they can put the Dickster on ice by harping on things like tax cuts. They forget that this race is about one thing and one thing only: Jennifer Granholm is responsible for the downfall of the auto industry.

Over at the Michigan House of Progressive Pancakes, they’re bemoaning the fact that the 3rd debate will be pre-empted for “Wife Swap”. Did somebody say “Wife Swap“? Meanwhile, the Soup Lady has her own roundup on why Dick Devos is a Bad Idea for Michigan that points to some new blogs on the Michigan block. One of these is Eric Baerren, who uses Dick Devos’s irresponsible tax cuts to take a potshot at my homey Frank “Bootlick” Beckmann of the Detroit Opinion Masquerading as News in Hacktacular. Finally, Wacko Zacko the Liberal Loon rounds the news up (including this stunning endorsement of Dick Devos from the Detroit News).

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Dick Devos Wants ALL Your Money, Michigan

October 12, 2006

Dick Devos Wants ALL Your Money, Michigan
Gonna make this one as simple as possible, Michiguys and Michigals because the election is less than a month away and the Head’s gotta get back on the Road for Change. It’s time to take back Michigan for the corporations and special interests and we need every vote, and every last dollar!

Michigan is on the rocks, your life sucks and we’re all doomed. The one chance we got is to make this state boom again with business. The auto industry is gone and she ain’t coming back. Michigan needs to find a new business to be in, and Dick Devos knows business.

There are those who say that it’s a bad time for a billions in Michigan tax cuts, but everyone knows that when the going gets tough, the tough cut taxes. The best place to start cutting is for the most wealthy and that means me! Sure, Dick Devos would benefit from the elimination of the personal property tax and the schools and local governments that depend on the tax for 15/20/50%+ of their operating budgets would be in trouble, but Dick Devos is a businessman, just like Dick Cheney or George W. Bush. Dick Devos will figure it out … after you elect him. Probably.

There’s some pink panties out there (Yeah, I’m looking at YOU L. Brooks Patterson!) saying “We can’t keep the police and firemen on the street and the school doors open if you take away this tax.” Quit yer whinin’, I’m telling you that I’ll figure it out – I’m a businessman. In business. You know, Amway.

So just close your eyes, send in your absentee ballot early, buckle up extra tight and get ready to ride with Dick Devos into a tax-free future, Michigan.

PS: If you’re thinking that you can escape your fate by voting against Dick Devos, maybe you can … a little, but check out the riff Soup Lady is laying down:

For 99 percent of Michiganders, the Bush tax cuts are much smaller than the share of the increased national debt they’ll have to pay off. Only the wealthiest one percent are net winners.

Everyone in the wealthiest 1% raise your hands. Go on, stick ‘em up, Michigan.
Fear the Head people, Fear the Head.

Props to the Forbes House of Billionaire Masks for the really cool mask, cross-posted to King of France.

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Liveblogging Debate #2: Dick Devos vs. Jennifer Granholm

October 10, 2006

Dick Devos the Dominator!
7:59 Nervous, excited, bobbing

8:00 Granholm looks angry. And she should be because the Dickster is furious. He calls her a liar, says the Dems have been shopping the Alterra story for months. Too bad so many papers bought it. Stupid truth.
8:04 I have a multi-pronged plan for Michigan. Not sure how many prongs – I’ll look it up later and you can bet that some of thse prongs are going to prove very surprising to Michigan.

8:05 Granholm steals my ideas. I am convinced of this. Brain lasers or something I’m guessing. Except for health care. No health care. She’s saying that Ontario built more cars than Michigan last year. Can we get a fact check on that? Oh. Apparently, Ontario is building more cars than Michigan now. The Govette says automakers went to Canada for health care. Total lie. They went for the Labatts. I have pictures. And now she’s talking about universal health care with support from the Feds. That’s just out of line. Besides, ain’t no way Washington is helping HER turn Michigan into some shimmering symbol of progress. You can write that down.
8:08 Finally, I get my turn and I bite back by saying that the best way to get insurance is to get a job. Sure, that totally ignores the fact that the Governor’s point is that businesses are fleeing to where they can reduce their health care costs, but I think I score points with the lowest common denomonator crowd.

8:10 She attacks Amway for hiring temps to avoid paying insurance. It’s no fair, she’s smarter than me.

8:11 Wendland goes after me about Detroit. However, he’s talking about what the Republicans are doing. Dick Devos is NOT a Republican. Actually, Dick Devos is a Republican, but we’re keeping that a secret.

8:12 Heard somewhere “Dick Devos is like Dr. Seuss, without the whimsical alliterative ability. ” I have no idea what that means but I think it’s another vote for me.
8:14 I say that Amway has the best health care in the world. Will any dare challenge that? Except for Michigan’s Senators and Representatives. And me.

8:15 The Geha says they asked for emailed questions and got 1900 emails. 1900 emails? Don’t you people have LIVES???

8:16 Granholm maunders on and on about tying tax breaks to the creation of jobs in Michigan. So I took jobs to China with my tax break, I MADE MONEY AND BROUGHT IT BACK TO MICHIGAN. Then I took a trip and bought a racing yacht from Australia. Why are you looking at me like that? I’m sure your yacht is very nice too.
8:20 Vouchers is the queston. I support school choice (nicey-nicey for vouchers which is nicey-nicey for taking taxpayer dollars to public schools). However, I’m a big fan of public education. I experienced it in the mean halls of Forest Hills. I will fight to move money into the classrooms. Or to private schools. The important part is that Dick Devos will fight public education. For. Fight for. Pay no attention to reports that Dick Devos used his family’s fortune and status to create an intricate national network of non-profits, political action committees and federal groups known as 527s that effectively fund the political arm of the school voucher movement. Probably a typo.

8:22 I shrewdly put the onus for declining education funding to Granholm. She runs out of time. I then rebut her rebuttal with some babble-speak that I couldn’t even follow. I think it was Chinese.

8:26 The Gov calls me a pussycat. Pussycat? I’ll show her pussycat. I say that we need to get rid of personal property tax as well (What’s another $1.5 billion tax cut between friends?) We won’t have a tax left by the time I get through with things.
8:27 Governor Granholm says Michigan needs a governor who stands up to President Bush rather than writing him a seven figure campaign check. OUCH! That’s a low blow. True, but still, can’t we let George W. Bush rest in peace? Haven’t Republicans suffered enough for his sins?

8:30 Granholm questions my ability to set a meeting with Dubya. Dick Devos talks, George W. Bush listens. That’s what Dick Devos expects (and gets) for his money. The date is questioned by the Gov, and I tell her it’s going to be AFTER the election as politics are much more important than Michigan’s economy and workers. At least to the President.
8:33 The Gov starts to talk about all her plans. I’m not interested in plans, I want results. We’re going backwards here! It’s a pattern. It goes back to 1994, when the Governor laid the plans for Michigan’s current disaster. Granholm says 500 companies wanted to come to Michigan and grow in Michigan, but I think I got her there.

8:37 Environment? Um. Next question. I get a nice shot in on Illinois having more ethanol. So what if it’s a giant cornfield. If we’re short on corn, it’s the Governor’s job to plant it!

8:41 Granholm is a foreigner. That’s a revelation that’s gonna hurt her.

8:43 SBT replacement – who’s tired of hearing about this? Raise your hands. Nobody? Granholm tried to get me to say how I will replace it but I am too smart and agile for her! Like a panther. Or a monkey. I manage to ask myself a different (and easier) question which I then answer and imply that the Gov supports the SBT. She doesn’t and the truth is, I have no IDEA how I will replace the SBT. That’s $1,900,000,000.00, a lot of zeros even for Dick Devos to figure out. That’s OK though, the Republicans who voted to end it had no idea what they would replace it with either. So the Governor “had a plan to replace the SBT”. Big deal. Plans are overrated.

8:47 I am of the pro-life side and in favor of Michigan laws as they are. I come out in favor of the laws as they are. Did anybody write that down? OK, I need you to burn it fast because if my base ever hears it, I’m toast. My opponent then hides behind the constitution. It’s just PAPER, Jenny! Sure, I threw my base under the train, but I think they know I’m not telling the truth.

8:52 The Governor has all these plans but I hold firm to my disappointment. She acts, I complain.

8:55 I was afraid this would go on forever. The Gov implies I am better off than I was 4 years ago. I am of course, but this isn’t about me. It’s about you, and you need to decide who is best able to look out for your interests. Some Governor who wasn’t able to fix the auto industry in 3 1/2 years or a businessman experienced in outsourcing jobs and sneaking tax breaks in the middle of the night.

Lies that the commies are spouting…

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Dick Devos (secret) Debate Plan

October 10, 2006

Dick Devos (secret) Debate Plan

Dick Devos caught a lot of flack at the last debate for Michigan Governor for not having a plan for either Michigan or the debate.  Because you have all been so loyal and I consider you like a downline to me, I have decided to share my simple plan for Michigan and tonight’s debate with you.

My plan is deceptively simple but I must say brilliant. For months, the Campaign for Big Bucks has been trying to hide the fact that Dick Devos is a Republican (look it up, the answer surprised me!). Tonight it’s time for Dick Devos to come out of the political closet, to embrace his Republican soul and use the power of Republican ideals like untrammeled free trade, tax breaks for corporations who outsource jobs and a ceaseless committment to making the lives of our richest Americans better and better to steamroll Governor Granholm.

Now a lot of people might say “Dick, your vaunted Republican ideals are destroying our nation by taking money from education and essential services. You are racking up monstrous debts and putting our nation in hock to foreign bankers.” To them I say: “Don’t worry about the fact that your share of the national debt is climbing faster than a monkey after the last banana on the tree – the important thing is that I am doing just fine. What’s more, all my rich friends who attend $1000 a plate Republican fundraisers are doing just fine too!”

Dick's House is a hell of a lot bigger than your rathole!Do you think we’re just going to keep all that money for ourselves and pass our fortunes along to our families intact by repealing the estate tax? Those of you who answered “Yes” should be ashamed of yourselves. Being rich is hard, and it’s even harder if you don’t pay people to clean up after you and serve you.

So rest assured Michigan, that as the fortunes of Dick Devos and his rich friends grow through our support of policies like slashing the estate tax and encouraging outsourcing of not just jobs, but whole companies, we will find plenty of jobs for you to do.

Better dress for it though. Those mansion gutters can be such a mess.

Librul ‘Lert CHUDD Intelligence has identified that the Michigan Liberal Army (MLA) plans a liveblogging event in Grand Rapids and on MichiganLiberal.com.  In order to thwart their nefarious schemes, the Head will be taking the fight to them!

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I Want YOU to register to vote, Michigan!

October 6, 2006

I Want YOU to register to vote, Michigan!

The candidate formerly known as the Disembodied Head of Dick Devos reminds you not to screw yourself: visit Michigan.gov/vote and make sure you are registered! You can check online and if you’re not registered, they’ll tell you how to register. The deadline to register is Tuesday, October 10th!
Speaking of “screw yourself”, once you get registered, the Devos Campaign would like you to quickly cast your vote by absentee ballot so it will not be tainted by more revelations about what a sick and twisted mess the Republican Party is these days. At least that’s what the Dick Devos Robot Army Caller seemed to be saying when she called last night.

It appears that this issue is a rare case where the Liberals and I can agree.

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Dick Devos has a Robot Army!

October 3, 2006

Dick Devos has a Robot Army!
Over at Michigan Communist Party HQ, they are in a tizzy for a couple of reasons. Reason #1 is of course my unprecedented smackdown of the Gal Governor. Readers of one out of one papers that I practically own agree – Dick Devos whooped Jenny G’s pert heinie last night – booya!

Also “Louise the Dog” writes:

I was folding my laundry when the phone rang. It was a robo-call in a woman’s voice talking about how “disappointed” she was in Granholm’s performance of the debate last night. The tone was supposed to sound like she was a Granholm supporter who “just felt let down.” There was no mention of DeVos, no mention of who paid for the call, the Caller ID said “Unknown Caller.” Unfortunately, I wasn’t at my answering machine or I would have taped it.

The vast majority of voters who never saw the debate would have no basis to doubt the caller’s points. Has any one else gotten this call? I am in the Grand Rapids area.

OK. Louise? First off, you are a dog. I know the Democrats want EVERYONE to have a vote, but this is ridiculous. Second, some folks may wonder how we could have found a person who was “disappointed” with Granholm’s performance so fast, gotten her on tape and fed it to the robocall program, all in less than 14 hours after the debate ended. Here’s how the boys down at CHUDD explained it to me: The woman on the phone isn’t an actual Granholm supporter or even a Devos supporter. In fact, she’s not a woman at all – she’s a ROBOT! Part of the Dick Devos Robot Army!
Pretty innovative, huh? We cut out that whole bothersome “working with humans” thing and go straight to the robots. Their reaction speed is many hundreds of times that of a human being AND they work for the kind of wages that Dick Devos likes to pay!

Right now we just have them making phone calls based upon Devos campaign buzzwords like “disappointment”,”doom, “despair” and “hopelessness” but I’m told that soon will be able to have them perform all sorts of tasks on the behalf of the campaign.

Fear me!

Update! Someone over at The Jennifer Granholm Fan Club taped the Robot Army in action. I was disappointed that there was no mayhem. Memo to scientists: version 2.0 must have mayhem!

Update x2!! I’m very disappointed that Jennifer Granholm Fan Club President Matt “Cory” Michlib has set up the Michigan Robocall Repository. Ha! Think you can imprison my Mighty Decepticons?? Not likely! In addition to robocall tapes, “Cory” is asking for Junk Mail

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Liveblogging Debate #1: Dick Devos vs. Jennifer Granholm

October 2, 2006

Victory for Dick Devos!
I edited this to make me sound better and also to make me look taller. And more governatorial. Governorish. Whatever. Purists may complain that “It’s unfair to edit a blog” but I counter with the fact that I’m a proud supporter of the Party that Edits HISTORY!

Skubick opens with a zinger about lying in ads. The Dickster finds Jenny guilty: Judge, jury, executioner!! Jenny then tried to change the subject with a baseless attack on Amway. The voters are way too smart to fall for the idea that Dick Devos would lie. Point to the Dickster!

Then I claimed credit for turning around Grand Rapids. It could be true. Can we get a fact check on that? Oh, apparently Dick Devos DIDN’T turn around Grand Rapids. Did, didn’t, the point is: I’m rich!
Jenny said Engler lost 240,000 jobs in his final term. That’s a bald-faced lie. Wait. Apparently, Engler did lose almost 1/4 of a million jobs toward the end of his term. Stupid facts. No matter, I’ll just keep hammering the fact that she lost jobs. I never lost any. Well, the Amway ones, but that’s different. That’s business.

Skubick tricked me with a question about the water board. Next.

Then Granholm started lying outright about my work to change the laws to be more friendly to business. Tried to make it seem like Dick Devos (with help from Newt Gingrich) snuck an Amway break into a NASA bill. I did, but that’s not the point. The point is that Dick Devos was right there, fighting FOR the corporations!

Levin, Clinton, Dick Devos is everyone’s friend but Dubya!

Tim Skubick deftly changes the subject and implicates the Gov for every murdered person in Michigan since 1907. Advantage Devos! Welcome to the Dark Side, Tim Skubick, your evil Jedi name is Darth Blowhardius!

Discussion turned to the SBT. I laid out my very clear plan to replace it.

  1. Business based tax
  2. A Tax on Business
  3. Need to replace at least half

There, that should be detailed enough for everyone. Dick Devos has a plan to replace the SBT. Like Lee Iacocca says: if you can’t cut 5% from your budget in any given year, you’re not trying! While this is a bunch more than 5%, the general idea is sound. The important thing to remember about my plan: Iacocca!

Then Skubik the little WEASEL gives Jenny a softball asking if there’s anything I’m hiding. Hiding?? Of COURSE Dick Devos is HIDING things from Michigan. Like the Alterra thing. Uh oh. I revoke Skubick’s evil Jedi name.
Then I gloriously pledged to never accept monies from Special Interests. Then it went back to the shares. 12 million shares. Whatever. Can’t we leave this sordid mess behind?

Social issues? Time to go!

I was surprised to learn that I was a great fan of stem cell research. Concerned fan, but great news nonetheless. Let’s find out about those stem cells.
Remember that Dick Devos will be a “process of being governor”, the Governating Process that Michigan needs! Something you may not know about me is that I did three triathalons this summer. Dick Devos runs. He’s a runner! Running for Michigan and running from his past!
Granholm called me a fancy lobbyist. Fancy? I wore the blue suit, how’s that fancy? Didn’t use all her time though. I then closed strongly by applying for the job of Governor. Since I’ll work for free, I think the job is in the bag.

Victory for Dicky D! (My Armada of Lawyers stands ready to dispute any claims that I might have lost).

For example, here’s Zacky P Trixxter says “Governor Granholm Won Hands Down”. He’s obviously got a schoolboy crush on Governor Glitter, but he did put together a blow by blow listing of my utter domination of the debate that you’ll want to print out and frame.

Of course Wizard Kitten is right there claiming victory for Michigan’s Crown Princess of Compassion. Actually it’s the Free Press but I think we all know what kind of paper the Free Press is.

Christine Barry is making some kind of point about how criticizing the Gov for blaming Michigan’s economy on Engler is like criticizing Republicans for blaming 911 on Clinton. I’m not smart enough to figure out where she’s going with that.

Watch the replay of the debate. (If you fast forward, stick your fingers in your ears and say “disappointed” about 15 times, you’ll find you agree that I won)